Merlyn Kendall

My experience after the death of my husband in 1995

It was a Wednesday afternoon when l received a phone call at work telling me my husband was involved in a road crash. He was a pedestrian.

Three days later, in the early hours of Saturday morning, my husband passed away quite peacefully. He never regained consciousness after surgery for abdominal injuries.

My 18-year-old daughter was taking her A-level exams at the time. I decided to wait until after she completed her exams to go ahead with the funeral.

My sister stayed with me for a while, she was my rock. My line manager was a good listener. I was in a state of almost euphoric mania, busy tidying and cleaning constantly.

After my sister left, I was alone with my grief, no support and not sure how to support my daughter. Consequently, she was left alone to grieve. I had no advice whatsoever as to how l should cope with my financial affairs, the inquest, or solicitors; unsure about even going back to work.

I went to the doctor to see if l could get an extension of time off work. He gave me a two-week sick note but included that l was suffering from depression.

I had nights of sleeplessness with no one to contact. Two friends in particular said l could contact them any time for support, but when l did no one answered the phone.

l did not want to be at home or at work. I had no desire to drive the car to work. As my husband did most of the shopping or we shopped together, l consequently found it difficult to go into the supermarkets without crying.

Looking back, I now wish l had the help of RoadPeace. At that time, in 1995, RoadPeace was in its infancy and not known by many people. l learned about the charity four years ago and then later joined with the hope of bringing closure or some sort of understanding of my own grief.

Now l am happy to support other victims of road crashes. I am currently facilitating the North West support group once a month.

I do believe it was my faith in God that saw me through those difficult days and nights.